Day 95

Day 95

Heads up: this post is a pretty long and rambling one, so if you want to get to the point without all my thought process, start reading at the fourth paragraph. But if you are an avid reader and just want to be updated and whatnot, read what your heart desires. And as always, thank you for visiting! 

So yesterday I wrote a post that, in on way or another, was my version of a “New Year’s Resolution.” I say that in quotations because I am a sort of resolution cynic sometimes. I don’t really believe in using a new year as an excuse to make changes, or even as a symbol for change as something that will inevitably happen for the better. Rather, I like to think of every moment as a chance for a fresh start.

However, within the past week I have been rethinking my cynicism about the subject and I have come to the conclusion that maybe I actually do want–or maybe, in this case, need— this new year as a spark or a catalyst to the changes and improvements I want to make. I have been changing and growing as an individual a lot over the past year or so, but with 2017 comes more changes. And I think what I am trying to get at here is that I don’t see the new year as suddenly making changes in my life as though I was not changing anything before. What I mean is that change is fluid, and this new year is just a way to continue that momentum and continue to inspire myself to be better. This new year isn’t a new chapter. It is a continuation of the same chapter–the story is just getting better.

And one of the things I want to continue with is living intentionally, a topic I posted about a few times before on my blog and something I will continue writing about this year. And as I am writing about this I am processing something that I was thinking about today and discussing with Christopher. I don’t want to go too much into it–now that this blog is less of a private diary and is slowly gaining an audience, there are some things that I like to just keep to myself. But for the sake of the meaning of this post, let’s just say I was being materialistic, and that materialism turned into a topic entirely about something else. However, the point of this is that the decisions I was thinking about making did not align with my current goals or beliefs or way I want to live my life.

As I wrote in a previous post on the topic, living intentionally is when your current decisions and actions are in alignment with your future goals and visions for yourself and your live. Today, in the simplest way, I wanted to make a decision that really did not align with my goals for the near future: the following week. And while I could have made some purchases that, yes, would have made me happy because I would be owning new things, they still were straying from my current goals and visions of saving money and making every purchase a conscious decision.

Materialism, in my opinion, has to do with wanting things because they just are, or because we think they will make us happy or fulfill a little lust or a little void. But things are just things. Clothes are just clothes. Sure, I could have spent some money tonight online. When I got the items, I would have been happy. But then I would look at my bank account.

So here is where my point is, with living intentionally, making intentional decisions, and purchases: anytime I think I will look at my bank account after spending money and question whether or not it was worth it, I should drop what I am doing, walk away, close the tab, and not even think about it at all. Because if you have to question something’s worth–whether it is an item you want to buy, a decision you want to make, something you want to do, or someone you want to spend time with–then it probably isn’t even worth it at all. Things that align with our goals are not even questionable.


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